Renée Brown ’83 met Harvey Harmon ’82 on the Hilltop – though, as she says, they didn’t actually meet, because at BSC you just know everybody. The pre-med majors married after their first year in medical school, completed residencies together in Charleston, and then returned to Birmingham to open a family practice together.

Together: working, living, raising two daughters and a series of dogs, engaging in church life, taking adventurous family vacations, all on a detailed plan that allowed each to play an equal role at home and in the office. As their girls moved toward the teen years, Renée and Harvey began thinking about what might come next: Downsizing, yes; retiring at 65, yes; relocating, maybe; traveling, for sure.

Life was smooth sailing with Renée and Harvey together at the helm.

But in 2010, at age 50, Harvey was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s Disease – a particularly cruel form of the group of disorders that cause dementia because it strikes in the prime of life. Only five to six percent of people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s show symptoms before age 65. And while some medications are thought to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s, no research has yet revealed enough of the why to develop a cure.

Smooth sailing gave way to what Renée ultimately chose as the title of her book, “Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer’s: Principles of Caring That Kept Me Upright” (Many Hats Publishing, 2020). Anyone who has experience with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia will recognize the metaphor, for there are ups and downs for both patient and caregiver, and frequent waves rough enough to knock you down and pull you under.

Renée describes her book as a “teaching memoir,” combining how-tos with how-I-did-its to produce a moving and highly personal account of the nine years between Harvey’s diagnosis and his death.

Although she remembers telling her medical school interviewer that one of her three life goals was to write a book (the second was to fly a plane, and she can’t recall the third now), she didn’t think “Surfing” would be that book.

“Since talking about emotions wasn’t Harvey’s thing, I had found it enormously helpful to use journals to capture what was happening and express what I was feeling, even cry out my sorrow and anger,” she says. “Then I was invited to give a 45-minute talk at a conference on Alzheimer’s, and as I began to organize my thoughts, I drew from those journals. And after a while I realized I had enough material for a book that could really help people.”

Each chapter focuses on a principle of caregiving that emerged for Renée, Harvey, daughters Elena and Christina ’18, and their extended families, including Renée’s sister Andrea Brown Hubbert ’88. A network of friends did for the Harmons what was needed, at the right time, often without being asked: food, of course, but also companionship, dog-walking, sitting with Harvey so Renée could play keyboards at church, giving her time away when she needed it most, even getting Harvey to Elena’s wedding despite his advanced decline.

“I’m not very good at asking for help, especially specific help, but every time I expressed a concern, it was met by our friends, our family, and our church family,” she says. “That taught me to recognize moments of true grace, and to let those moments lift me when I needed it.”

Each chapter ends with a set of practices for caregivers – the “teaching” part of this teaching memoir. The prompts can guide journaling and may help families talk about what is happening – which can be hard – and remember better times.

“If I felt that I was sinking, swamped by my emotions and the never-ending list of things that needed to be done, I would metaphorically drag myself out of the ocean and lie down on my surfboard for a bit – taking a walk, playing the piano, reading a poem,” Renée writes in the introduction. “It is my hope that by reading these stories, you, too, can ride the waves of whatever ocean you find yourself in.”

“Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer’s” is available on Amazon. Follow her blog at www.reneeharmon.com.

This story was published in the Fall/Winter 2020 issue of ’Southern, BSC’s alumni magazine.

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